1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,Just when we were getting into a rut, some bad-ass Biblical justice perks things up:
2 Command the children of Israel, that they bring unto thee pure oil olive beaten for the light, to cause the lamps to burn continually.
3 Without the vail of the testimony, in the tabernacle of the congregation, shall Aaron order it from the evening unto the morning before the LORD continually: it shall be a statute for ever in your generations.
4 He shall order the lamps upon the pure candlestick before the LORD continually.
5 And thou shalt take fine flour, and bake twelve cakes thereof: two tenth deals shall be in one cake.
6 And thou shalt set them in two rows, six on a row, upon the pure table before the LORD.
7 And thou shalt put pure frankincense upon each row, that it may be on the bread for a memorial, even an offering made by fire unto the LORD.
8 Every sabbath he shall set it in order before the LORD continually, being taken from the children of Israel by an everlasting covenant.
9 And it shall be Aaron's and his sons'; and they shall eat it in the holy place: for it is most holy unto him of the offerings of the LORD made by fire by a perpetual statute.
10 And the son of an Israelitish woman, whose father was an Egyptian, went out among the children of Israel: and this son of the Israelitish woman and a man of Israel strove together in the camp;
11 And the Israelitish woman's son blasphemed the name of the Lord, and cursed. And they brought him unto Moses: (and his mother's name was Shelomith, the daughter of Dibri, of the tribe of Dan:)
12 And they put him in ward, that the mind of the LORD might be shewed them.
13 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
14 Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him.
15 And thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel, saying, Whosoever curseth his God shall bear his sin.
16 And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.
17 And he that killeth any man shall surely be put to death.
18 And he that killeth a beast shall make it good; beast for beast.
19 And if a man cause a blemish in his neighbour; as he hath done, so shall it be done to him;
20 Breach for breach, eye for eye, tooth for tooth: as he hath caused a blemish in a man, so shall it be done to him again.
21 And he that killeth a beast, he shall restore it: and he that killeth a man, he shall be put to death.
22 Ye shall have one manner of law, as well for the stranger, as for one of your own country: for I am the LORD your God.
23 And Moses spake to the children of Israel, that they should bring forth him that had cursed out of the camp, and stone him with stones. And the children of Israel did as the LORD commanded Moses.
- #1: God tells Moses even more...
- #2: Tell the Israelites to bring me EVOO as fuel for eternal lamps.
- #3: From outside the vail around the ark of the covenant, Aaron is to keep the light going from evening until morning. (Alright, maybe not eternal. But forever.)
- #4: He is to order the use of "the pure candlestick" for this job.
- #5: He's to bake a dozen (but not a baker's dozen, I reckon) cakes, with two tenth deals of flour per cake. (If I were God, I can't imagine I'd be spending so much time on recipes. But I guess that's why they pay Him the big bullocks.)
- #6: The cakes need to be in two rows of six, "upon the pure table before the LORD." (I wonder what household miracle He uses to keep His candlestick and table so pure.)
- #7: Aaron is supposed to put pure frankincense in each row, which will make a nice memorial sacrifice to Yahweh.
- #8: Each Sabbath forever, the children of Israel have to make with the baked goods.
- #9: (Even though it's "an offering made of fire") Aaron and sons "shall eat it in the holy place," because it's mighty holy to the LORD.
- #10: (And now for something completely different....) "The son of an Israelitish woman," who had an Egyptian dad, "went out among the children of Israel" in the camp and fought with a "a man of Israel."
- #11: The half-breed "blasphemed the name of the Lord, and cursed." So he was brought to Moses. The Israelitish woman was Shelomith, and she's "the daughter of Dibri, of the tribe of Dan."
- #12: They locked up the infidel, in hopes that the Lord would tell them what to do with him. (Is this procedure a GOP wet dream or what, folks?)
- #13: Then God told Moe...
- #14: Bring the foul-mouthed one outside the camp, and have all the witnesses lay their hands on him and (...wait for it...) "let all the congregation stone him." (It's getting multiorgasmic for the authoritarian set, as their eyes roll back in their heads. As Alex de Large / Alex Burgess put it, "That was a real kick and good for laughs and lashings of the old ultraviolence." Also, when a guy's being stoned to death by a huge crowd, that's not really the best time to put your hand on his head.)
- #15: Tell the Israelites that if they curse the Lord, they'll bear the same sin. (But what I'm not sure about is, can you name a teddy bear "Yahweh"? Or at least YHWH?).
- #16: And those blasphemers will be killed, no question, stoned by the congregation, no question. Even if the trash-talker is an outsider.
- #17: What's more, killing people is a capital offense. (Thanks for the reminder, G. With those essential specs for shittim-wood building projects and sacrificial turtles and all weighing on us, it's easy to forget the small stuff.)
- #18: If you kill a beast (someone else's, one presumes), you need to replace it.
- #19: Cause a blemish on a neighbor? The same is done to you.
- #20: (And famously...) "Breach for breach, eye for eye, tooth for tooth...."
- #21: And if you kill a beast, you must restore it. (Note to self: pick up SparkNotes on animal reanimation.) If you kill a man, you'll be put to death. (Note to self: pick up SparkNotes on human reanimation. Give to friend.)
- #22: There is only one type of law, including for strangers (does that include enemy combatants and Blackwater employees?), "for I am the LORD your God."
- #23: And Moses told the Israelites to drag the blasphemer out of camp and stone him to death (just like God told Moses he had done — or was the "God said" conceit unceremoniously dropped in the middle of this chapter?). And the like good, holy folk that they were, they stoned the guy to death for saying bad things about an infinitely powerful supernatural authority figure.