Exodus 15

1 Then sang Moses and the children of Israel this song unto the LORD, and spake, saying, I will sing unto the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously: the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.

2 The LORD is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.

3 The LORD is a man of war: the LORD is his name.

4 Pharaoh's chariots and his host hath he cast into the sea: his chosen captains also are drowned in the Red sea.

5 The depths have covered them: they sank into the bottom as a stone.

6 Thy right hand, O LORD, is become glorious in power: thy right hand, O LORD, hath dashed in pieces the enemy.

7 And in the greatness of thine excellency thou hast overthrown them that rose up against thee: thou sentest forth thy wrath, which consumed them as stubble.

8 And with the blast of thy nostrils the waters were gathered together, the floods stood upright as an heap, and the depths were congealed in the heart of the sea.

9 The enemy said, I will pursue, I will overtake, I will divide the spoil; my lust shall be satisfied upon them; I will draw my sword, my hand shall destroy them.

10 Thou didst blow with thy wind, the sea covered them: they sank as lead in the mighty waters.

11 Who is like unto thee, O LORD, among the gods? who is like thee, glorious in holiness, fearful in praises, doing wonders?

12 Thou stretchedst out thy right hand, the earth swallowed them.

13 Thou in thy mercy hast led forth the people which thou hast redeemed: thou hast guided them in thy strength unto thy holy habitation.

14 The people shall hear, and be afraid: sorrow shall take hold on the inhabitants of Palestina.

15 Then the dukes of Edom shall be amazed; the mighty men of Moab, trembling shall take hold upon them; all the inhabitants of Canaan shall melt away.

16 Fear and dread shall fall upon them; by the greatness of thine arm they shall be as still as a stone; till thy people pass over, O LORD, till the people pass over, which thou hast purchased.

17 Thou shalt bring them in, and plant them in the mountain of thine inheritance, in the place, O LORD, which thou hast made for thee to dwell in, in the Sanctuary, O LORD, which thy hands have established.

18 The LORD shall reign for ever and ever.

19 For the horse of Pharaoh went in with his chariots and with his horsemen into the sea, and the LORD brought again the waters of the sea upon them; but the children of Israel went on dry land in the midst of the sea.

20 And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a timbrel in her hand; and all the women went out after her with timbrels and with dances.

21 And Miriam answered them, Sing ye to the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.

22 So Moses brought Israel from the Red sea, and they went out into the wilderness of Shur; and they went three days in the wilderness, and found no water.

23 And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter: therefore the name of it was called Marah.

24 And the people murmured against Moses, saying, What shall we drink?

25 And he cried unto the LORD; and the LORD shewed him a tree, which when he had cast into the waters, the waters were made sweet: there he made for them a statute and an ordinance, and there he proved them,

26 And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee.

27 And they came to Elim, where were twelve wells of water, and threescore and ten palm trees: and they encamped there by the waters.

Then there was music and wonderful Moses....

I'm not sure what is meant by "this song" that they sang. Was it This Song?

Did the song about our sweet lord include the sweet passage "The LORD is a man of war" and the line that follows it "and LORD is his name-o," along with the loving descriptions of the captains he lured, drowned, and "consumed... as stubble"?

Yet another polytheistic reference: "Who is like unto thee, O LORD, among the gods?" This book just isn't making a very good case that YHWH is the One True God, is it?

This line must wow 'em in the Palestinian territories: "The people shall hear, and be afraid: sorrow shall take hold on the inhabitants of Palestina." It gets worse: "trembling shall take hold upon them; all the inhabitants of Canaan shall melt away."

And what's this about the people "which thou hast purchased"? That's the Israelites, right, whom God bought with the blood of the slaughtered Egyptians?

Verse #17 is the old inheritance promise. Now, maybe at some point we'll see some emotional or spiritual growth among the Israelites to justify the long delay of this, and to show they've earned it after some fashion. So far, their accomplishments are stolen and arbitrarily given birthrights, jewel-thievery, incest, polygamy, adultery, procurement, fratricide, and a lot of waiting around for the Big Guy to save their tucheses.

Vocabulary word: timbrel, a small hand drum or tambourine. It accompanies another musical tribute to the Lord's fatal entrapment of Egyptian troops.

As Woody Allen noted, "man cannot live by bread alone — occasionally there must be a beverage." They called the watering hole Marah, but the taste was too bitter until God chucked a tree into it. Sounds like Brita on steroids.

Having dragged the Israelites around the wilderness and made them thirsty as Hell, he gives them some commandments (hmm, I think that's going to come up again) upon finally quenching their thirst. Sounds like classic cult-indoctrination behavior, no?

God's playing of favorites knows no bounds, as he promises to keep the Israelites free of diseases (he saves those for the Egyptians). Well, there's another mystery solved. Haven't you ever wondered why there are no Jewish doctors?

And now for something a little different...

Ricky Gervais on Genesis 1 and 3:



Exodus 15 coming up soon...

Exodus 14

1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

2 Speak unto the children of Israel, that they turn and encamp before Pihahiroth, between Migdol and the sea, over against Baalzephon: before it shall ye encamp by the sea.

3 For Pharaoh will say of the children of Israel, They are entangled in the land, the wilderness hath shut them in.

4 And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, that he shall follow after them; and I will be honoured upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host; that the Egyptians may know that I am the LORD. And they did so.

5 And it was told the king of Egypt that the people fled: and the heart of Pharaoh and of his servants was turned against the people, and they said, Why have we done this, that we have let Israel go from serving us?

6 And he made ready his chariot, and took his people with him:

7 And he took six hundred chosen chariots, and all the chariots of Egypt, and captains over every one of them.

8 And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh king of Egypt, and he pursued after the children of Israel: and the children of Israel went out with an high hand.

9 But the Egyptians pursued after them, all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen, and his army, and overtook them encamping by the sea, beside Pihahiroth, before Baalzephon.

10 And when Pharaoh drew nigh, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians marched after them; and they were sore afraid: and the children of Israel cried out unto the LORD.

11 And they said unto Moses, Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt?

12 Is not this the word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness.

13 And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.

14 The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

15 And the LORD said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward:

16 But lift thou up thy rod, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it: and the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea.

17 And I, behold, I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they shall follow them: and I will get me honour upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen.

18 And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I have gotten me honour upon Pharaoh, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen.

19 And the angel of God, which went before the camp of Israel, removed and went behind them; and the pillar of the cloud went from before their face, and stood behind them:

20 And it came between the camp of the Egyptians and the camp of Israel; and it was a cloud and darkness to them, but it gave light by night to these: so that the one came not near the other all the night.

21 And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the LORD caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided.

22 And the children of Israel went into the midst of the sea upon the dry ground: and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left.

23 And the Egyptians pursued, and went in after them to the midst of the sea, even all Pharaoh's horses, his chariots, and his horsemen.

24 And it came to pass, that in the morning watch the LORD looked unto the host of the Egyptians through the pillar of fire and of the cloud, and troubled the host of the Egyptians,

25 And took off their chariot wheels, that they drave them heavily: so that the Egyptians said, Let us flee from the face of Israel; for the LORD fighteth for them against the Egyptians.

26 And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the sea, that the waters may come again upon the Egyptians, upon their chariots, and upon their horsemen.

27 And Moses stretched forth his hand over the sea, and the sea returned to his strength when the morning appeared; and the Egyptians fled against it; and the LORD overthrew the Egyptians in the midst of the sea.

28 And the waters returned, and covered the chariots, and the horsemen, and all the host of Pharaoh that came into the sea after them; there remained not so much as one of them.

29 But the children of Israel walked upon dry land in the midst of the sea; and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left.

30 Thus the LORD saved Israel that day out of the hand of the Egyptians; and Israel saw the Egyptians dead upon the sea shore.

31 And Israel saw that great work which the LORD did upon the Egyptians: and the people feared the LORD, and believed the LORD, and his servant Moses.

Wow, the supposedly inspiring miracle of the (Red?) sea parting is another nasty massacre by the heart-hardening Lord. He makes the Egyptians go after the Israelites, and then he has Moses drown them all.

Do they have Egyptian horror films where the plagues and slaughters of Exodus are meted out upon their people? This Pharaoh may have been a bad dude, but the entrapment and wanton destruction are pretty distasteful.

But not to the bloodthirsty YHWH. He's damned proud of it, calling it getting "honour" upon Pharaoh and bragging that "the Egyptians may know that I am the LORD." And the sight of the dead Egyptians, whom God brainwashed into hunting down the Israelites, is called "great work." It leads the chosen decoys to "fear" him, a telling description of the kind of "respect" he craves.

Other bits 'n pieces:

• There's an interesting beat where the doubting Israelites whine to Moses, wondering if they've been brought out to the wilderness to die and claiming "I told you so" about their preferred plan — staying servile to the Egyptians
  
• This is the first mention of chariots
• We get the colorful phrase "with an high hand," meaning "boldly" or "arrogantly"
• Another mention of "the angel of God" (as seen in Exodus 3, Genesis 48, Genesis 31, Genesis 24, Genesis 22, Genesis 21, and Genesis 16. Seems to me if you introduce a character like "angel of God," you'd sprinkle in a little explanation about what it is and what it's relationship to God is.

Exodus 13

1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

2 Sanctify unto me all the firstborn, whatsoever openeth the womb among the children of Israel, both of man and of beast: it is mine.

3 And Moses said unto the people, Remember this day, in which ye came out from Egypt, out of the house of bondage; for by strength of hand the LORD brought you out from this place: there shall no leavened bread be eaten.

4 This day came ye out in the month Abib.

5 And it shall be when the LORD shall bring thee into the land of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, which he sware unto thy fathers to give thee, a land flowing with milk and honey, that thou shalt keep this service in this month.

6 Seven days thou shalt eat unleavened bread, and in the seventh day shall be a feast to the LORD.

7 Unleavened bread shall be eaten seven days; and there shall no leavened bread be seen with thee, neither shall there be leaven seen with thee in all thy quarters.

8 And thou shalt shew thy son in that day, saying, This is done because of that which the LORD did unto me when I came forth out of Egypt.

9 And it shall be for a sign unto thee upon thine hand, and for a memorial between thine eyes, that the LORD's law may be in thy mouth: for with a strong hand hath the LORD brought thee out of Egypt.

10 Thou shalt therefore keep this ordinance in his season from year to year.

11 And it shall be when the LORD shall bring thee into the land of the Canaanites, as he sware unto thee and to thy fathers, and shall give it thee,

12 That thou shalt set apart unto the LORD all that openeth the matrix, and every firstling that cometh of a beast which thou hast; the males shall be the LORD's.

13 And every firstling of an ass thou shalt redeem with a lamb; and if thou wilt not redeem it, then thou shalt break his neck: and all the firstborn of man among thy children shalt thou redeem.

14 And it shall be when thy son asketh thee in time to come, saying, What is this? that thou shalt say unto him, By strength of hand the LORD brought us out from Egypt, from the house of bondage:

15 And it came to pass, when Pharaoh would hardly let us go, that the LORD slew all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both the firstborn of man, and the firstborn of beast: therefore I sacrifice to the LORD all that openeth the matrix, being males; but all the firstborn of my children I redeem.

16 And it shall be for a token upon thine hand, and for frontlets between thine eyes: for by strength of hand the LORD brought us forth out of Egypt.

17 And it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God led them not through the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, Lest peradventure the people repent when they see war, and they return to Egypt:

18 But God led the people about, through the way of the wilderness of the Red sea: and the children of Israel went up harnessed out of the land of Egypt.

19 And Moses took the bones of Joseph with him: for he had straitly sworn the children of Israel, saying, God will surely visit you; and ye shall carry up my bones away hence with you.

20 And they took their journey from Succoth, and encamped in Etham, in the edge of the wilderness.

21 And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night:

22 He took not away the pillar of the cloud by day, nor the pillar of fire by night, from before the people.

Dirty things first: we get two references to the "house of bondage." I googled up 108,000 pages with that phrase, and not all of them were biblical. But most of them were. Which ones you find creepier is between you and your master.

Then there's the matter of the "matrix." I hadn't known that it derived from mom words. Ah mater!

Speaking of creepy, how about the Lord saying that the first (male) one to pass through each womb is his!? I thought that claiming-the-firstborn stuff was the province of the devil (or was it Rumpelstiltskin?). Well, I guess it beats the old Passover Treatment he treated the Egyptians to.

Again the promised land of the -ites is said to flow with milk and honey, and the unleavened bread PSA keeps repeating ad nauseam. Still, makes one hungry for a nice nosh, maybe with a schmeer.

There are also continued calls to mark the blessed day of baby- and lamb-killing.

Today's vocabulary word is "frontlet," meaning forehead (especially of an animal) or jewelry worn on same.

Exodus 13:13 is a freakshow. According to the more user-friendly God's Word translation, it means:

It will cost you a sheep or a goat to buy any firstborn donkey back from the LORD. If you don't buy it back, then you must break the donkey's neck. You must also buy every firstborn son back from the LORD.

Hell, I didn't want to be a hypnotized homophobic misogynist, but when I see the logic and virtue of a passage like that, it really makes me want to join the choir. Also, what happens if you don't buy your firstborn son back?

In the end, God decides to be a super-cool and rather unreliable GPS, (mis)leading the way as a pillar of cloud by day and fire by night.

There's talk of a war that God is trying to hide from the Israelites. Not sure what that's about just yet....

Exodus 12

1 And the LORD spake unto Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt saying,

2 This month shall be unto you the beginning of months: it shall be the first month of the year to you.

3 Speak ye unto all the congregation of Israel, saying, In the tenth day of this month they shall take to them every man a lamb, according to the house of their fathers, a lamb for an house:

4 And if the household be too little for the lamb, let him and his neighbour next unto his house take it according to the number of the souls; every man according to his eating shall make your count for the lamb.

5 Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male of the first year: ye shall take it out from the sheep, or from the goats:

6 And ye shall keep it up until the fourteenth day of the same month: and the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill it in the evening.

7 And they shall take of the blood, and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of the houses, wherein they shall eat it.

8 And they shall eat the flesh in that night, roast with fire, and unleavened bread; and with bitter herbs they shall eat it.

9 Eat not of it raw, nor sodden at all with water, but roast with fire; his head with his legs, and with the purtenance thereof.

10 And ye shall let nothing of it remain until the morning; and that which remaineth of it until the morning ye shall burn with fire.

11 And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD's passover.

12 For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the LORD.

13 And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt.

14 And this day shall be unto you for a memorial; and ye shall keep it a feast to the LORD throughout your generations; ye shall keep it a feast by an ordinance for ever.

15 Seven days shall ye eat unleavened bread; even the first day ye shall put away leaven out of your houses: for whosoever eateth leavened bread from the first day until the seventh day, that soul shall be cut off from Israel.

16 And in the first day there shall be an holy convocation, and in the seventh day there shall be an holy convocation to you; no manner of work shall be done in them, save that which every man must eat, that only may be done of you.

17 And ye shall observe the feast of unleavened bread; for in this selfsame day have I brought your armies out of the land of Egypt: therefore shall ye observe this day in your generations by an ordinance for ever.

18 In the first month, on the fourteenth day of the month at even, ye shall eat unleavened bread, until the one and twentieth day of the month at even.

19 Seven days shall there be no leaven found in your houses: for whosoever eateth that which is leavened, even that soul shall be cut off from the congregation of Israel, whether he be a stranger, or born in the land.

20 Ye shall eat nothing leavened; in all your habitations shall ye eat unleavened bread.

21 Then Moses called for all the elders of Israel, and said unto them, Draw out and take you a lamb according to your families, and kill the passover.

22 And ye shall take a bunch of hyssop, and dip it in the blood that is in the bason, and strike the lintel and the two side posts with the blood that is in the bason; and none of you shall go out at the door of his house until the morning.

23 For the LORD will pass through to smite the Egyptians; and when he seeth the blood upon the lintel, and on the two side posts, the LORD will pass over the door, and will not suffer the destroyer to come in unto your houses to smite you.

24 And ye shall observe this thing for an ordinance to thee and to thy sons for ever.

25 And it shall come to pass, when ye be come to the land which the LORD will give you, according as he hath promised, that ye shall keep this service.

26 And it shall come to pass, when your children shall say unto you, What mean ye by this service?

27 That ye shall say, It is the sacrifice of the LORD's passover, who passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt, when he smote the Egyptians, and delivered our houses. And the people bowed the head and worshipped.

28 And the children of Israel went away, and did as the LORD had commanded Moses and Aaron, so did they.

29 And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle.

30 And Pharaoh rose up in the night, he, and all his servants, and all the Egyptians; and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead.

31 And he called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ye and the children of Israel; and go, serve the LORD, as ye have said.

32 Also take your flocks and your herds, as ye have said, and be gone; and bless me also.

33 And the Egyptians were urgent upon the people, that they might send them out of the land in haste; for they said, We be all dead men.

34 And the people took their dough before it was leavened, their kneadingtroughs being bound up in their clothes upon their shoulders.

35 And the children of Israel did according to the word of Moses; and they borrowed of the Egyptians jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment:

36 And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians, so that they lent unto them such things as they required. And they spoiled the Egyptians.

37 And the children of Israel journeyed from Rameses to Succoth, about six hundred thousand on foot that were men, beside children.

38 And a mixed multitude went up also with them; and flocks, and herds, even very much cattle.

39 And they baked unleavened cakes of the dough which they brought forth out of Egypt, for it was not leavened; because they were thrust out of Egypt, and could not tarry, neither had they prepared for themselves any victual.

40 Now the sojourning of the children of Israel, who dwelt in Egypt, was four hundred and thirty years.

41 And it came to pass at the end of the four hundred and thirty years, even the selfsame day it came to pass, that all the hosts of the LORD went out from the land of Egypt.

42 It is a night to be much observed unto the LORD for bringing them out from the land of Egypt: this is that night of the LORD to be observed of all the children of Israel in their generations.

43 And the LORD said unto Moses and Aaron, This is the ordinance of the passover: There shall no stranger eat thereof:

44 But every man's servant that is bought for money, when thou hast circumcised him, then shall he eat thereof.

45 A foreigner and an hired servant shall not eat thereof.

46 In one house shall it be eaten; thou shalt not carry forth ought of the flesh abroad out of the house; neither shall ye break a bone thereof.

47 All the congregation of Israel shall keep it.

48 And when a stranger shall sojourn with thee, and will keep the passover to the LORD, let all his males be circumcised, and then let him come near and keep it; and he shall be as one that is born in the land: for no uncircumcised person shall eat thereof.

49 One law shall be to him that is homeborn, and unto the stranger that sojourneth among you.

50 Thus did all the children of Israel; as the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron, so did they.

51 And it came to pass the selfsame day, that the LORD did bring the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt by their armies.

This is the longest chapter of Exodus, and it's one of the Bible's most disturbing so far.

Highlights include:

• God creates the calendar
• Via the PR firm of Moses and Aaron, he tells the Israelites to each get an unblemished lamb and kill it four days later
• The Israelites are to smear lambs' blood on their door frames. Benjamin Moore calls it "Mutton Massacre," I call it fucking freaky.
• The designated side dish and garnish are matzos and bitter herbs
• They gotta roast the lamb. No sushi sheep or lamb soup for you.
• And don't forget to cook the head, legs, and entrails
• Thou shalt be in the Clean Plate Club
• No girded loins, no shoes, no service
• And you have to eat with your hand on your staff. Cue Beavis and Butthead: "Heh-heh."
• This blessed event shall be reenacted every year, and it will be called "Passover"

That's all a warm-up for YHWH carrying out his plan to slaughter every Egyptian first-born, including those of slaves and the animals (which have already been killed at least once or twice).

God says "I will execute judgment." I guess that depends on what your definition of "judgment" is.

Like the aliens in Signs who could navigate across the universe but needed crop signs to know where to turn left, the Almighty needs bloody doorways to answer the old SNL question: Jew / Not a Jew.

If you're planning to emulate the Lord by slaughtering a child from nearly every household, the blood-marking thing is an excellent tip for navigating your appointed rounds.

Now that God has calibrated the Israelites' calendars, he tells them to have an annual feast to celebrate his blessed kid-killing. And don't just have a feast, have a week without yeast, taking the first and last days off.

Moses and Aaron's clan are referred to as "armies." I take this to mean that they're a massive entourage, as opposed to a military force, since there's been no hint of this as a troop buildup.

And speaking of "buildup," what was all that plaguey buildup for? The big action scene, with all that righteous murdering of Egyptian children, happens off-screen!?

Instead, we get back to etiquette tips for Matzo Madness season. For one thing, you'll be ostracized if you eat leavened bread. That seems reasonable. Same with offering the meal to your circumcised slaves — but not to your contract help.

Vocabulary words include hyssop ("a plant used in purificatory sprinkling rites by the ancient Hebrews") and bason (basin).

We learn that people who live in blood-painted houses should stay inside ('til they dry?)

We find that Passover is called "Passover" because it allows God's chosen people to be passed over, so they don't "suffer the destroyer."

The Israelites are to celebrate this brutal blessing 4evah, including when Yahweh gives them the promised land. They are to do it when their children ask why they are doing it, which sounds like a paradox.

God brainwashed the Egyptians so they'd like the Hebrew folk, who would then "borrow" all the Egyptians' bling and financially ruin them. I still don't get how someone borrowing your jewelry and not returning it should "spoil" you, but it does sound like a lowdown thing for God to set up, even if that's relatively minor compared to his other shenanigans herein.

The first Passover was 430 years to the day that the Israelites came to Egypt. From what we heard at the beginning of Exodus, it doesn't sound like Pharaoh was a ton of fun for the Hebrews to live under, what with killing all the infant boys.

But did every Egyptian deserve this? Even Pharaoh's own daughter defied him by saving baby Moses. Methinks this is not a very nice god.

I will say that Passover does turn out to be one bad-ass holiday.

With a deck of 51

Exodus 12 should be up by tomorrow.

Sorry about the lag between posts. Busy weekend and a 51-verse chapter to read — and it's a doozy.

Update: Dang you, real life! Bible larnin' will continue tomorrow (Thursday), fer sure. Sorry for slowing down your spiritual progress!

Exodus 11

1 And the LORD said unto Moses, Yet will I bring one plague more upon Pharaoh, and upon Egypt; afterwards he will let you go hence: when he shall let you go, he shall surely thrust you out hence altogether.

2 Speak now in the ears of the people, and let every man borrow of his neighbour, and every woman of her neighbour, jewels of silver and jewels of gold.

3 And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians. Moreover the man Moses was very great in the land of Egypt, in the sight of Pharaoh's servants, and in the sight of the people.

4 And Moses said, Thus saith the LORD, About midnight will I go out into the midst of Egypt:

5 And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the first born of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.

6 And there shall be a great cry throughout all the land of Egypt, such as there was none like it, nor shall be like it any more.

7 But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel.

8 And all these thy servants shall come down unto me, and bow down themselves unto me, saying, Get thee out, and all the people that follow thee: and after that I will go out. And he went out from Pharaoh in a great anger.

9 And the LORD said unto Moses, Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you; that my wonders may be multiplied in the land of Egypt.

10 And Moses and Aaron did all these wonders before Pharaoh: and the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go out of his land.

Plague of the day, what will it be?

God promises this next one will do the trick. The Babe is calling his shot. Not only will Pharaoh let the people go, he'll thrust them out altogether.

Numerous plagues have come and gone since the scam of borrowing — but not returning — the Egyptians' jewelry was first described in Exodus 3:22.

Since this was planned from the get-go, and it would "spoil" (ruin) the Egyptians, not sure what all those plagues were for. They didn't seem to faze the God-hardened Pharaoh, they just punished the Egyptian people — the ones who, we find, look favorably upon the Hebrew people and upon the hallowed Moses himself.

Our Creator decides to kill every firstborn Egyptian, from Pharaoh's to the slave girls' to the twice-killed cattle's. God is love, doncha know?

A great cry is promised, unique in its way as the locusts were in theirs. YHWH is sounding a lot like Conan the Barbarian.

Mongol General: Conan! What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.

The notion that this God isn't a universal God, but just the lord of the Hebrews is cemented here: "ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel." Kind of makes you wonder at how Islam shares Abrahamic DNA. Didn't anyone worry that He's just not that into them?

Moses, we read, "did all these wonders before Pharaoh." Does that mean the wondrous slaughter of every firstborn in the land? The jewelry heist?

Then, you'll never guess what. The lord hardens Pharaoh's heart, and he doesn't let the people go.

What gives? Did the Babe whiff, or were some of the actions prescribed here not carried out yet. Hmmm...